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Judith Rook  (with Alison Dere)

ME AND THE ROADWORKS

21.9.17.

September 2017 will be marked not only by spacecraft Cassini’s final descent into Saturn’s atmosphere, but also by one of the funniest episodes of my life. I think I’ll probably not forget it.
To reach my local writers’ group, I have to turn from a main road into a side road. On this particular day, the side road was blocked by “road closed” signs just before it turned a corner. A council worker was on hand to direct me back to the main road. I was in a benign, argument-avoiding mood, and agreed cheerfully. But I did suggest that signs on the main road would be helpful.
“Lady,” said the council worker earnestly, “if this was a whole-road closure, we would have all the signs you could wish for on the main road. We’d divert the traffic.”
“Not a whole-road closure?” said I. “Can’t I use the open half?”
“No. It’s closed. We’ve got the road up further on.”
“Then the whole road is closed?”
“No. It’s only a half-close.”
“But you say I can’t drive any further.”
“Too right! You’d be under a grader before you could spit.”
Thoughtfully I went back to the main road and worked out my own diversion to where I was going. Then I began to laugh. I’m still chuckling.

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